Laura Fernsten

This month has been sweet & sour, to say the least. I won’t go into details, but it has had it’s ups and downs. I think a big up is that I am now posting more often than Nathan (It’s rare that I can beat him in anything, so let me just bask in the glory for a moment) although he will say that he is in law school and doesn’t have time and blah blah blah

I am currently in my 2nd to last semester at BYU. I am trying to gain a love of my classes, but I miss my classes from last semester. It may just be that I am in all upper 400 level classes, and have to take program planning & evaluation and the ever so hated Epidemiology class that I have put off until the 11th hour.

And now decisions, decisions. I am trying to decide where to do my internship. DK wants me to come home, but for some reason I just have a feeling that I need to stay in Utah, although I am not looking forward to the heat during the summer. Options include; The Red Cross, LDS Humanitarian Services, The Utah Health Department (Provo), and possibly a Cancer Institute up in Salt Lake. If I worked at a place up in Salt Lake, I would probably move up there. With whom, I don’t know, and it would be a fresh start to something new. If I stayed in Provo… well i’d be in Provo. I wish somebody could just tell me what one to do.  Any suggestions?

This week I am grateful for:
Family
Friends
The Temple
The power of prayer
Being comforted

So I had to give a talk at church today, and for record purposes (and if you get bored) I am posting my talk! Enjoy..

“Repent . . . That I May Heal You”   Elder Neil L. Andersen

We all go through changes in life, hopefully growing, reflecting and trying to make ourselves better. Oftentimes, we need to retool, refine, and remold ourselves. Today,   I would like to share a story with you about refinement and a cleansing process.

The Potter & The Cup
I was a little clump of red clay. The master took me and rolled me and pounded me and I yelled out, “Don’t do that. I don’t like that. Leave me alone!” But he only smiled and gently said, “Not yet.” Then wham, I was put on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun round and round. “Stop! I am getting dizzy! I am going to be sick.”

But the Master only nodded and quietly said, “Not yet!”

He spun and poked me and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I screamed and yelled and pounded at the door.

“Help, get me out of here!”  When I thought I could not bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.

Oh, that felt so good! “Ah, this is much better”, I thought! But, after I cooled, he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. “Oh, please stop it! I cried. He only shook his head and said, “Not yet…”

Then suddenly, he put me back in the oven. Only it was not like the first time. This time it was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged …I pleaded….I screamed…I cried… I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up and just then the door opened and he gently took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering, “What’s he going to do to me next?”

An hour later, he handed me a mirror and said, “look at yourself.”

And I did…I said, “that’s not me, that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful!”

Quietly, he spoke, “ I want you to remember, then, “he said, “I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but I if I had just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

“I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life.

“And if I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.

God knows what he is doing for each of us. He is the potter, and we are his clay. He will mold us and makes us, and exposes us to just enough pressure so that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill his will.  So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance, when your world seems to be spinning out of control, when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials, when life seems to “stink”, try this;  Think of this story and have a little talk with the Potter!

Just as the piece of clay had to be refined by the potter in the story of the tea cup, we too need to learn to refine ourselves and undergo difficult changes along with the help of  the Master, our Savior. This process is called, “Repentance.”

In his talk,  “Repent….That I May Heal You,” Elder Neil L. Anderson states,  The invitation to repent is rarely a voice of chastisement, but rather a loving appeal to turn around and “re-turn” to God. During his ministry on earth, Jesus performed many miracles. But perhaps, his greatest miracle was the healing of people’s souls—the forgiveness of sin. Jesus still offers the miracle of sincere repentance today. It is central to the plan of salvation.

Repentance is defined as “… one of the first principles of the gospel and is essential to our temporal and eternal happiness. It is much more than just acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart that gives us a fresh view about God, about ourselves, and about the world. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments

When we recognize our need to repent,   through the power of Christ’s atonement, our hearts can be changed so that we want to choose good over evil. The Lord will bless us with joy, with feelings of cleanliness and self-worth, and with increased faith in him.

I think that as immortal and imperfect human beings, we sometimes think we are not capable of changing.  We can rationalize repentance and feel that change is just too hard, that our weaknesses are either too small or too great to change or we’re too young to begin.

In his talk, Brother Anderson acknowledges this problem.
“At this very moment, someone is saying, “Brother Andersen, you don’t understand. You can’t feel what I have felt. It is too difficult to change.” You are correct; I don’t fully understand. But there is One who does. He knows. He has felt your pain. He has declared, “I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”²² The Savior is there, reaching out to each of us, bidding us: “Come unto me.”²³ We can repent. We can!”

I think it is important to realize that at some time in our lives, all of us discover that WE cannot change for the better ourselves. Without the help of a power greater than our own, we find ourselves continually returning to our selfish and unloving ways. But the Lord does not expect us to repent and change by ourselves. He stands ready to bless us with his unbounded love and grace.

-I would like you to Imagine the Cristus statue, with arms beckoning for you to come to him
“Behold, [my arms] of mercy [are] extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.”¹ The scriptures speak of His arms being open,² extended,³ stretched out,⁴ and encircling.⁵ They are described as mighty⁶ and holy,⁷ arms of mercy,⁸ arms of safety,⁹ arms of love,¹⁰ . We have each felt to some extent these spiritual arms around us. We have felt His forgiveness, His love and comfort. The Lord has said, “I am he [who] comforteth you.”¹²

-Heavenly Father wants us to come back to him, always there with open arms, never rejecting us
- He wants us to repent and “re-turn” to Him

Alma the younger is a wonderful example of this principle of forgiveness:As we all know, Alma the younger and the four sons of Mosiah sought to destroy the church. An angel appeared and commanded them to cease their evil course.

In Mosiah 27:19-20 we read:

And now Alma and those that were with him fell to the earth, for great was their astonishment; for with their own eyes they had beheld an angel of the Lord; and his voice was as a thunder, which shook the earth; and they knew that were nothing save the power of God that could shake the earth and cause it to tremble as though it would part asunder.

And now the astonishment of Alma was so great that he became dumb, that he could not open his mouth; yeah and he became weak, even that he could not move his hands; therefore he was taken by those that were with him, and carried helpless, even until he was laid before his father.”

I think if we were all in Alma’s shoes and unable to talk or move for 3 days, we would certainly have a change of heart and reflect on repentance.  As dramatic as his condition was, the better part of his example is in how Alma repented.

He realized his wrongdoings:

Alma 36: 13-14

“Yea, I did remember all my sins and inequities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and I had not kept his holy commandments.

Yea, and I had murdered many of his children, or rather led them away to destruction; yea and in fine so great had been my inequities, that the very presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.”

Once Alma realized and felt sorry for his sins, the darkness began to go away as he remembered his father prophesizing about the coming of Jesus Christ to atone for the sins of the world. As his mind caught hold of this thought, Alma began crying out to the Lord.  Alma then explained, “ that through the mercies of God, his soul was filled with joy exceeding as was my pain!” He further declared that  “ there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy!”

This mighty change turned into action as we read in Alma 36:24

Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste the of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might be also born of God. And be filled with the Holy Ghost.”

The process of repenting is not an easy one. The experience of young Alma is a frightening testament of that. Wrongs must be made right, and there is no painless way to accomplish that.  But, it must be done, and like Alma, we can all thank our Heavenly Father that it can be done!

CONCLUSION

President Kimball stated, “That when most of us think of repentance, we tend to narrow our vision and view it only as good for our roommates, parents, our friends, –anyone and everyone except ourselves. Similarly there is a prevalent, perhaps subconscious, feeling that the Lord designed repentance only for those who commit murder or adultery or horrible crimes. This is of course, not so. If we are humble and desirous of living the gospel, we will come to think of repentance as applying to everything we do in life, whether it be spiritual or temporal in nature.

“Repentance is for every soul who has not yet reached perfection.”

To repent, we must repent each day, asking the Lord to change our hearts so that we no longer desire to break his commandments. The invitation is rarely a voice if chastisement, but rather a loving appeal to turn around and “re-turn” to God.  As we hearken to the counsel of ancient and modern prophets and change our lives through repentance, the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ becomes a reality in our lives, our sins are forgiven, and joy fills our hearts!

Just as the piece of clay had to be molded, placed in a fire and refined, so do all of us.

Megan posted this on facebook, but I wanted to have another copy. If you have any other funny stories/thoughts, please add them !

I stole this from Megan, but she just says things so much better than I could ever, with a few extra added memories. Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of my dad’s passing. Pancreatic cancer took his life in the blink of an eye, yet his courageous battle and faith will always leave an impression on my heart. I think about him everyday and made a list of memories, inside jokes, his mannerisms and things about my dad, Chris Fernsten, that bring a smile to my face. These are a few of my favorite things <3

- My dad’s smile

- The twinkle in his eye

- Many saw him as a gentle giant, and always loved little kids, even though some of them were scared of his large stature

- He would laugh until he cried, or fell out of his chair

- His green and blue button up work shirts

- The smell of right guard deodorant

- His white work trucks parked on the street, every day of my life

- Hearing KGO from the kitchen radio at 5 and 6am as he got ready for work

- The sound of his spoon clanking his cereal bowl in the mornings and squeaky chair

- His beautiful hair. Short or long, I loved when he got curly “wings” aka- baseball hat hair

- The booms from the bass of Pink Floyd coming from the garage or den while he worked

- Always gave service throughout the community – school, church, boy scouts, track meets, food drives

- How he’d pound the dash board blasting Phantom of The Opera on the drive to the cabin, as if it was his drums or piano

- The moustache !

- How he’d call us kids in the morning at college or on our way to work while he sat in S.F. traffic to chat

- Long drives back and forth to college. Simple, yet a perfect time to bond and share college stories

- His beautiful singing voice

- Sang in Handel’s Messiah with his buddy Jim Willits every Christmas

- Whenever I said “Shut Up” he’d make fun of megan…. & repeat it like Stacy London on what not to wear

- Being his occasional helping hand while working on his Hot Rod, or various construction projects in the house

- He could escape to the garage when there was “too much estrogen in the house!”

- Our “bear” hugs where I squeezed him until he made a noise like I was making him throw up from squeezing so hard

- If you wanted a high five, he’d fake you out so you’d high five the air

- More high fives ? He’d stand on his tippy toes so you’d HAVE to jump to hit it- 6’4″ is a long way up

- He’d sing “I want it DAD’S way” to the Backstreet Boys

- Always sported a pencil behind his ear

- He had special mechanical pencils for work, we’d be in trouble if they were borrowed and not returned

- While remodeling “The man cave” shopping for granite became “Grandamnite” because it took 2 years of shopping before someone could make a decision.

- His squirrel killing techniques – from the master bathroom toilet with a BB Gun pointed out the window !

- Always won something at his work safety meetings and came home so proud to be a winner

- Enjoyed watching sports and Nascar when time allowed on Sunday afternoons

- Jokingly wanted to name us kids : Flavius, Phlebitis and Ichabod

- IZHAYNAE was his favorite ghetto name to say

- He’d laugh at me every time I spilled food on myself at the dinner table (this happened a lot)

- Worked like a beast in the mountains, loved beautifying “God’s country”

- The smell of sap and chainsaws brings so many memories

- Loved big tools and toys – snowmobiles, tractors, bulldozers, jack hammers

- Star gazing at the top of Mtn. ski resorts with sleeping bags and chase lounge chairs during meteor showers all hours of the night

- Us girls took him shopping for new clothes at the mall before his big trip to South Carolina for a family reunion. He hated to shop….but he loved it this time. We had a BLAST together. Looking classy !

- He’d jokingly say “WHAT?” all the time because he was deaf in his right ear, and even made fun of me when an ear infection left me deaf for 2 weeks

- Made fun of anyone that had a crush on a Willits Boy – They’re all handsome if you ask me !

- He threw one of his co-workers in a dumpster and told him to clean up his act and his language. haha

- If it was just dad and I at the dinner table, we’d sit on opposite ends and throw or slide condiments across the table just for fun because it was too far to reach.

- Watching Law and Order with me and always singing the “doink doink”

- Frequently made the “L” sign on his forehead to indicate a loser

- Whenever something electrical malfunctions in the house we still jokingly blame it on him

- Had a passion for fixing and tinkering

- He got a speeding ticket with me driving home from the mountains which was a little secret that made him and megan laugh all the time.

- We knew we’d better get moving when we got THE phone call, “Do it so your mother get’s off my back” or “get it done so your mother stops worrying”

- He referred to Rachel’s car as ‘The Foster Farms Mobile” because it was always trashed like in the commercials with the chickens

- He would bless the dinner “leftovers” and “left over leftovers”

- Dad was “Quality Control” at Christmas time as the head baker. His traditional goodies were to be perfect

- No matter how hard the math problem, I could always ask him to take a look at my math homework, or just the ones I was having a hard time with, and in the morning on the table, he left me a piece of grid paper with how he worked out the problem and where I went wrong in doing it.

- Always having someone to wake up at the crack of dawn to go to dreaded morning seminary

Some of his favorite sayings/jokes :

- Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.
- You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends nose
- I didn’t raise truck drivers
- You weren’t raised in a barn
- You make a better door than a window
- No one is worthless, they can always serve as a bad example
- Last but not least, “I don’t know, I Juuuuuust don’t know” -Chris Fernsten himself

Sometimes we forget about the Big Picture.

I heard this poem in a general conference talk, and have loved it ever since:

Man’s Life is laid in the loom of time
To a Pattern he does not see,
While the weavers work and the shuttles fly
Till the dawn of eternity.

Some shuttles are filled with silver threads
And some with threads of gold,
While often but the darker hues
Are all that they may hold.

But the weaver watches with skillful eye
Each shuttle fly to and fro,
And sees the pattern so deftly wrought
As the loom moves sure and slow.

God surely planned the pattern:
Each thread, the dark and fair,
Is chosen by His master skill
And placed in the web with care.

He only knows its beauty,
And guides the shuttles which hold
The threads so unattractive,
As well as the threads of gold.

Not till each loom is silent,
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God reveal the pattern
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads were as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
For the pattern which He planned.
- Anonymous

I know that Heavenly Father puts trials in our lives for a purpose; at times we may be drowning in our sorrows, pain, afflictions, or trials, but oft times we forget that it is through these trials that we gain experiences and grow to become the people that He needs us to be.

A story that DK shared with me:

I was  a little clump of red clay. The master took me and rolled me and pounded me and I yelled out, “ Don’t do that. I don’t like that. Leave me alone!” But he only smiled and gently said, “Not yet.” Then wham, I was put on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun round and round. “Stop! I am getting dizzy! I am going to be sick.”

But the Master only nodded and quietly said, “not yet!”

He spun and poked me and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I screamed and yelled and pounded at the door.

“Help, get me out of here!”  When I thought I could not bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.

Oh, that felt so good! “Ah, this is much better”, I thought! But, after I cooled, he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. “Oh, please stop it! I cried. He only shook his head and said, “not yet…”

Then suddenly, he put me back in the oven. Only it was not like the first time. This time it was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged …I pleaded….I screamed…I cried… I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up and just then the door opened and he gently took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering, “what’s he going to do to me next?”

An hour later, he handed me a mirror and said, “look at yourself.”

And I did…I said, “that’s not me, that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful!”

Quietly, he spoke, “ I want you to remember, then, “he said, “I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but I if I had just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

“I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked. I know fumes were  bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life.

“And if I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.

God knows what he is doing for each of us. He is the potter, and we are his clay. He will mold us and makes us, and exposes us to just enough pressure so that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill his will.  So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance, when your world seems to be spinning out of control, when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials, when life seems to “stink”, try this

Think of this story and have a little talk with the Potter!

Doctrine & Covenants 121: 7-8 :
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes”

Sometimes, we have to remember that our suffering, in the Lord’s timeline, is just a small moment. He has all the tools we need in order to get through hard times; we just have to be willing to ask Him for help, and to utilize the tools.